Are you trapped in the “Mud State”

By Liya Gupta / a couple of years ago

A person in Mud State

Have you ever had the feeling – “It’s not going to make any difference whatever I do. So why bother putting in efforts to improve.”

This state of aimless drift is often because we are trapped in a situation which is either uncalled for or we are dragged into, or sometimes, we even invite them knowingly or unknowingly, without having any idea how to get out of it. We fight to come out of those situations but we don’t know how to. If you are in that situation for a very long time, the chances are they you may get addicted to the situation and over a period of time you start enjoying too. Some people term it as “sadistic pleasures of life” while others refer it as “depressed state” or “mental stress”. But I prefer to call it as “Mud State”. The key symptoms of this state is the emotion of “self-pity” and “how is it going to make any difference”.

Mud state, as I have coined the word, is a state where you can imagine yourself submerged in mud completely with not an inch of your body being left uncovered, apart from your palm. The palm is left out so that someone can give you a hand to save you or pull you out from that state. However, if you don’t allow or take help, then you might sink deeper and ultimately die out of suffocation inside the mud. Often I see people who are so depressed that they have built their coffin even when they are alive. They have artificial smiles on their lips and their eyes are bigger due to self-built fear. They want to make you believe that life is ok and they are ok too, but the truth is something else.

Then what is the truth? A point to ponder!!

The truth is that they are looking for help. They want someone who could listen to their unspoken words. One who will not judge them. Someone who can give them straight forward answers without hurting their sentiments. It might sound like a true friendship but the fact is deeper than that.

The important point is that the person in this state needs to recognise he is in MUD and he is enjoying the MUD THERAPY. The helper or the coach has to recognise the fact that this state is messy and needs maturity and sensitivity to handle.

I will share an example from my personal experience. A friend of mine was heartbroken due to lack of courage to propose to a woman whom he loved and desired secretly. He was not able to take a leap due to family pressures and the obsolete way of thinking of his family. How can he get married to a girl from different caste? Unfair right! But it is still prevalent in our society. When he got news that the girl is getting married, he mustered all his courage to express his true love to her and her family members. But his courage was taken as humiliation by the girl and her parents. He was late in expressing his intentions and the opportunity was no more available to him.

As fate decided, the girl got married but he was shattered and started blaming himself for not doing what he wished. To add on to that, he was a successful entrepreneur and was doing well with his clients. I saw him succumbing to his fate and was thoroughly depressed in life. All symptoms that I have mentioned above were visible in his persona. He would sleep for 10 – 12 hrs a days, he would not look into his business, and the clients were not attended well. He was completely in the Mud state. When I last met him I could clearly recognise it. He was trying to prove me that life is ok and he is ok too.

Self Discovery Process

But wait before you jump to a conclusion. I don’t mean that once you see these signs you should be ready to help or provoke the person to tell you the reason. The important thing is to recognise it first. If you think you have that balance, maturity and ample strength in that relationship, go ahead and confront him and pull his hands before he dies there.

Important things are to recognise, to observe patterns and to strike a meaningful & enriching conversation, and definitely NO MOTIVATIONAL DIALOGUES. Enriching conversation is all about being present to his world and actually listening. This is actually what I tried and tested on him. Not that any magical effect happened on him but gradually what I could definitely say was he questioned himself for his own state.

The actual awakening in life is not through only sharing or blabbering to someone about your issues but when you go quiet and decide to take an internal tour inside your body and soul and find a calmer self.  No coaches no trainers can lead you on that journey. That is what we call as Self discovery process.

I leave you with a question – Which is more enjoyable

“Being in Mud therapy or being in a voyage of self-discovery”

The choice is yours.

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About the author

Liya Gupta

Liya is a Behavioral Training Instructor & a Life Coach. Also an MBA with a Specialization in HR (XLRI). She has 14+ years of experience in Learning & Development. She has worked with Dale Carnegie Training, PwC and Axis Risk Consulting (Genpact). Her interests include Tarot Card reading & Angel healing techniques.